Before we get started: I’m prepared for whatever, because I know some people just can’t handle the truth. Let’s go!
What inspired this post is something I see on natural hair sites, Twitter, and everydamnwhere that really bothers me. And that is: women with natural hair who swear UP AND DOWN that everyone who grimaces or hands them a hot comb is “hating” on their natural hair because they are ignorant and blind to the beauty of what God has created! These women just KNOW that their kinks, curls, and coils are so FIERCE that people should stop in their tracks to praise them, not shake their heads and point them to the nearest Creamy Crack Emporium. To these women I ask: could you just possibly be a shitty mess? Yes you! A mess! A shitty one at that. It could happen yanno!
How do I know this? Because it has happened to me. Yes me! There have been times when I looked in the mirror and thought “damn my hair is fly than a MUTHA!”. I’d feel so overcome with fierceness, that pictures were definitely in order! After the first snap, and a second one just to be sure my eyes (and camera) weren’t playing tricks on me, I put the camera down and picked up a hat. Why? Because I looked like a damned fool. Sometimes our mirrors (especially the ones in our bathrooms) lie to us. They have us thinking we look good when we do NOT. How do I know this? Because it has happened to me! Many times I have primped in front of the bathroom mirror and strut my ass out of the house, just to pass a “good” mirror (usually in the car) or have a picture taken and see that I look utterly ridiculous. How could that gorgeous hair and flawlessly beat face I JUST saw in my bathroom mirror POSSIBLY have turned to the rat’s nest and chalky foolishness I see before me? It didn’t. It always looked like a shitty mess but my naked eye in my magical bathroom mirror didn’t pick up on it.
I do not always look so good, and at times I look like a wildebeest. I can accept this about myself. Why can’t others?? For all the times that someone thinks we look like shit, 8 times out of 10, we do!! There’s just no getting around those very scientific statistics. I’m not saying that we should not have confidence in ourselves, or that people have a right to tell us that we look like pure hell, but we simply cannot get mad at the truth! Even when I know damned well I am in full wildebeest mode, I do my thing. I went out the other night with a shower cap on my head (I was deep conditioning), a denim applejack cap over that, a purple tank top, a white/brown South Pole hoodie, grey cropped yoga pants, and chestnut Uggs. I knew I looked dreadful, but I needed cake THAT bad. Then I had the nerve to PRANCE around the grocery store, smiling nodding and greeting people like I was in the running for Miss America. Why? Because WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK?? I try not to! Most times I succeed in not giving a shit, but I’m only human so it does get to me sometimes.
Even when I think I look good and it turns out to be a hot lie, I don’t get too upset. Cuz I know at other times I be KILLIN ’em! On a good day, I can shit on a lot of people who think they are doing the most. At least in my mind I can lol. And that’s all that matters. If someone is rude enough to try to burst my bubble by letting me know I don’t look so hot, I can’t be mad at them. That’s their opinion. I certainly can’t say they’re hating or that they’re brainwashed by european standards of beauty and therefore cannot accept the fact that I embrace the natural hair that grows out of my head! Cuz we all know, God don’t make no junk! Oh but He does! He made EVERYTHING, so junk would have to be included in that, right? F’d up ‘fros are included as well. I’m not saying that natural hair is junk, or that we shouldn’t love and embrace it, but we should know that it’s not always going to look great. We should also know that everything is not for everybody; so it’s OK for people to dislike our hair. Should they keep their comments to themselves? Yes they most certainly should. But how often do people do what they “should” vs. what they damn well please? Almost never! So we’ve got to brush it off and move on.
And it’s not only naturals who feel like criticism was not created with them in mind, a lot of people have this attitude. Most people know how I feel about this “hating” epidemic–I aint with it. It seems like people use “hating/haters” as an excuse not to accept any personal responsibility for anything they do. Whoever dares to disagree or dislike something, GOTS to be a hater. It’s not that serious, boo! PSA: If someone (or even everybody) dislikes your new CD, new movie, new hairstyle, new outfit, new boyfriend, etc; they’re not hating. They just don’t like it; and that’s fine. It’s not going to make or break you! Dust your ass off and come at ’em with something new. Something EPIC! If they don’t like that either, then either say “fuck ’em” or find something else to do that might be more in your skill set. The choice is yours.
What we DON’T DO is declare that we now have haters and act like America’s most hated. Now Jesus? He had some haters! They crucified Him and He aint whinin about that. He rose up. Dusted himself off and vowed to come back bigger and deffer than ever before. He’s got the whole WORLD waiting on Him! Now that’s GRAND! So what gives your average ass the right to whine about some imaginary haters?
Even people who wholeheartedly believe in haters say “haters are gonna hate” like it’s inevitable. So what can the hated really do about it? Not a damn thing. Except ignore these figments of the imagination and not give a shit what they think, say, or do. Not giving a shit is an art form; but once mastered, it provides a freedom the likes of which are unmatched by any other feeling in the WORLD! I challenge everyone to try it. Who cares what people are saying about you? Like my Granny used to say “They talked about Jesus!”. And I know none of you are self-righteous enough to think you’re above enduring anything Jesus endured.
I’m about to throw out another overused catch phrase: DO YOU! If everybody minded their own business, there wouldn’t be a need to “hate” or imagine we have haters. I’ll holla!