Has anyone else noticed that when conversing with men, they tend to clam up if you ask them a question? I’m not talking about interrogation or personal questions. I’m talking about asking a simple question. If you’ve never paid attention, try it. Don’t even ask him any of type of relationship question like “where do you see this going?” or anything like that because you might not ever hear from his ass again. I’m talking just a regular, benign question about him or his thoughts. If you’re on the phone, the conversation is going to end abruptly. If you’re texting or e-mailing, don’t wait for the damn **ding** to let you know you’ve got an incoming message, because it aint coming! Not til he thinks you’ve forgotten the question or moved on.
I’m the type of person who likes clarity. I don’t like to work on assumptions because we all know what happens with that foolery. So I admit that I might ask more questions than a person is used to. Being a psychology major and being fascinated with how people’s minds work doesn’t help. I do try to control myself; especially with men because I know they lose a little of their strength every time a question is posed to them. But COME ON! Asking a person “what do you mean?” is grounds for confusion and all manner of fool acting?
I am in the “getting to know you” stage with this guy that I’m kinda liking. This stage is proving to be VERY annoying because he acts like his testicles shrink a little every time I ask him a question. It doesn’t help that we are very different or that he’s country as a smoked ham, so I have trouble following his conversation sometimes. His colorful colloquialisms are as confusing as they are amusing; so dammit, I sometimes ask for clarification! He does the same thing to me and I don’t hesitate to clarify and explain. It’s all about CLARITY! He doesn’t seem to be able to show me that same common courtesy though.
Sometimes when talking to men, I get the feeling that they are saying shit just to be saying it. Whether they are saying things they think I want to hear or just think it sounds good at the time; they enjoy talking out of their asses. I’ve got a problem with that and you’d best believe I’m going to ask “well what do u mean by that?”. **crickets** And a man being a man, instead of just copping to the fact that he’s busted, he’d rather answer a question with a question: “why do I have to explain everything?”. This is what Lil Country asked me yesterday when he made an (incorrect) assumption about me and I asked him why he thought that. I wanted to say: CUZ YOU DON’T MAKE ANY DAMN SENSE!!!! But I told him a different truth: that he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do; and he doesn’t. That doesn’t mean that I have to put up with it though. It also means I don’t have to answer his questions (which far outnumber mine, by the way) but I do. If I don’t, the muthasucka has the audacity to bring it back up later or just won’t move on until I’ve answered him to his satisfaction. Aint that a bitch?
Maybe if they could just be real and speak from the heart without trying to anticipate what we want them to say or trying to gauge what our reaction will be, questions wouldn’t stump them in this way. Like Judge Judy says: when you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything! And her other gem: If you don’t know, just say you don’t know. Be clear that I’m NOT calling men liars, I’m just saying they tend to have issues with communication and self-expression that can greatly hinder the progression of a relationship.
Maybe I’m wrong for expecting things to be clear or for even noticing the great lengths men go to trying to evade a question or stall for enough time to answer it “correctly”. Hell I should be like most of these broads out here and just be glad someone with a penis is talking to me at all! Not! I wholeheartedly believe that communication is KEY! Lack of communication is how women end up pregnant by some guy and all they know is his street name (true story). Lack of communication is how women end up thinking some dude is their boyfriend when in his mind, they’re just co-workers. Lack of communication also leads women to thinking they are “wifey” when they’re really just a fuck buddy. If the delusional “wifey” took the time to ASK why all “dates” occur inside of her bedroom, she’d KNOW she’s a jump-off and not his girl. Well, that’s if he’d tell her to truth and if she would even accept the truth he tells her–but that’s another rant for another day.
So here I sit, thinking this shit is NOT going to work because Lil Country is just going to get weaker and weaker the more questions I ask him and I have no intentions of stopping. I don’t even get the idea that he’s being evasive because he’s very upfront and honest about things. We’ve discussed a lot of personal things and as long as I’m not asking, he’s very forthcoming with personal information. I asked him how can we get to know each other and know we are on the same page if we don’t ask for clarification when needed. WHOOPS! That was a damn question and also the end of our conversation. The way I feel right now, he can kiss my ass. I’m tired of dealing with it and at this stage of things, it’s not worth it to me. He’s a nice enough guy but I’d rather cut my losses now than to be stuck really liking him, but not knowing him at all. I’m too old to go through the motions. I don’t understand why women cheat themselves by not even trying to understand the man they’re interested in BEFORE they’re in too deep. After the babies come and/or they’re married, it’s too late! Then they’re a single mom, divorced, or married for 30 years without a damn thing to talk about because they didn’t figure out that they had nothing in common and didn’t have the same goals and expectations in the beginning. It can’t be me!
So! Unless Lil Country comes around, it’s on to the next one. Maybe the next one will understand and respect communication as the greatest tool EVER and won’t mind questions and clarity. Yeah right.
OK I had to do this because it’s going to be on my mind!