It will never be said that I am a man basher. Especially not a black man basher; but I’ve been noticing some recent trends with men (who happen to be black because that’s all I deal with) that I must frown upon. I’m pretty easy-going. I’m not one of those “in your face/space” types. I don’t need constant phone calls or reassurance or ego stroking. I do, however, expect some sort of effort and participation from male companions.
I firmly believe that people put effort into things that are important to them. I also TOTALLY understand the “he’s just not into you” concept and believe that more women should take heed. So I’m not just missing clues here. I pay attention. I analyze. I just don’t like what it is I’m seeing: lazy ass men!
Granted, I’m not an emotionally demonstrative person, but I understand that when in relationships (no matter the type or the level) the other person needs to know how I feel and where they stand. Given that understanding, I make an effort to be clear about my feelings, my wants, and my needs with each person I have dealings with. That sometimes takes A LOT of effort on my part because it just does not come naturally to me. Yet what do I get in return? Some ol’ bullshit!
Men just don’t seem as assertive as maybe they once were or as we expect them to be. They’re hemming and hawing and beating around the bush these days, and I don’t like it! Not one bit! I’m not saying be a caveman and hit me over the head to drag me off to your cave (although I could get into that type of thing lol), but I do expect a man to be a MAN! Collect your damn balls–cup ’em and hold ’em if you have to–put some damn bass in your voice & TELL me what the deal is and how shit is going to be! I soooo do not have a problem with that! What I have a problem with is a man throwing hints. Or telling me “it’s up to you”. Or not following through on something because I’m not constantly nagging him or begging him to follow through.
MEMO: If you’re waiting on me to beg or nag, it aint happening!!
Recently, a guy asked me if I’d like to make some plans to get together after the holidays. Due to his work schedule and the holidays, he chose the second weekend in January for our “date”. I should have known something was amiss when he wouldn’t even make suggestions, let alone PLANS, beyond where we would meet up (a city halfway between the cities where we live). He knows this city well and was telling me that there is a lot to do there, but was asking ME what I wanted to do! First of all, I don’t know what’s there. Secondly, YOU’RE THE MAN SO PLAN THE DAMN DATE! We were in constant contact after that, but he never made mention of the date again. A day or so before, he asks “Is it supposed to snow down there Friday?”. I responded that I didn’t know but I hoped not because I had plans for the weekend. He didn’t say anything else. I let it slide but later I asked him why he never mentioned our date again. He told me that he thought I didn’t want to go because I didn’t say anything, and that my response to the snow question led him to believe I had other plans. But you don’t ASK?? I’m not some flaky chick that would agree to go somewhere and then just blow it off. Is that what’s happening out there in the streets? And is today’s man so meek that he doesn’t even speak up about it or question it?
Have women (in general) conditioned men to expect the nagging, begging and overall desperate and thirsty behavior? Is that the only way that they know we’re interested? If so, you can count me out! I might be single and occasionally get lonesome and want male companionship, but I’ve never been a desperado and I can’t see it happening. I’m not a woman that will call a man 8498484 times a day. I’m not Googling anyone or going through their phone or Facebook page to find information on them. I’m not going to harass a man about taking me out, commiting, or marrying me. It’s just not going to happen. So does that mean I’m going to remain single and dateless? I’d hope not but things aren’t looking too good. This scenario has played out far too often over the last few years and I know it’s not all me. I’ve been accused of being “non-chalant” and I’ve worked on changing my ways because everyone deserves to know they are wanted and appreciated. I just can’t go the begging, clingy route though.
So I’m at a loss here. Do I continue my descent into Spinsterhood or do I Rudy Huxtable mofos and TELL them that they are going to be my man or DEMAND to be taken to the dance? Neither option is very appealing.