Blog Posts of the Past


This is not my first blog. I had one before on a popular gossip website. I started it when I lived in a household where privacy & respect for personal space were nowhere to be found. So, instead of journaling, I kept an online journal of sorts in the form of a blog on that site. I had no idea that people would read it, but they did and they seemed to like it. When I stopped blogging, I got alot of messages asking me to resume. Quite a few from “across the pond” in the UK. That’s what u call “International Fancy”.

I decided to look it over today to remind myself just what the hell I had written and it was like reading things someone else wrote. I remember some of the things I wrote about, but not all. The “voice” doesn’t even sound like me.  It’s interesting though, so I’ve decided to post some of the entries here. Starting with one from my birthday about three years ago. It was the first birthday in Miami and the first one I’ve spent without family and friends.

(Once my computer illiterate self learns how to group them together, I’ll post more of the entries here as well. For now, I’m copying and pasting like the mofo).

I Think I Had Sex Today.

Posted 08-11-2007 at 12:07 AM by Shoewhore

I’ve had a good birthday even though it wasn’t what I’m used to. I decided to get a mani/pedi, massage, and brasilian wax. I never made it to the nail place b/c I couldn’t find it and found Steve’s Pizza instead. Oh. My. Damn! The one on Biscayne is even better than the one by my house!! *hula hoops*

My whole day got off to a slow start b/c I went to sleep so late and I refused to rush. I wanted to be cute and comfy on my b-day so I put on this really cheap dress (I won’t EVEN say where I got it) with my puerto rican hooker shoes that I bought at Aventura on vacation one time and never wore, I did my make-up, got my hair extra fluffy, and had a cute bag. My stupid ass decides a thong will go better with the dress and lo and behold I have one that matches–cute little leopard number.

When I say my ass looked like a brown and serve roll in that thong, I am not kidding. I AM GETTING OLD!! I’ve never had a badoonka donk, but DAMN what is this shit??? BROWN AND SERVE ROLL!!! I was feeling too good to really care at the time and tipped on out the door feeling like I looked too cute. But now this shit is bothering me. I don’t even know if squats will help. I might have to take some drastic measures to get this ass together. Lawd!

My massage was OFF THE CHAIN!! That lil latin man worked me OVER!! So much so, that I think it was sex. I was getting pissed at first b/c homeboy fucked my hair all the way up. He was rubbin my scalp and then he kept pulling my hair and it felt DAMNED good. His elbow was all over my back and buttocks and just working all the knots and kinks out. I was in lala land. I was moaning and carrying on like a harlot. At one point, I even said “yes n*gga right THERE!” but I don’t think he understood what I said. I’ve also never had a massage where they go all betwixt and between your tittays and ass cheeks. Work the ass cheeks–yes. Run yo hand betwixt them–no. Maybe he really thought my ass was a roll b/c he was kneading it like dough.

When he was done, I was SPENT. My legs were weak. I was incoherent and I could hardly stand. I looked in the mirror and my curls were WILD. All I could do was fluff it even more and make it more wild. I looked like an animal had attacked me with a loopy grin on my face. Just like when I have some good sex. I think that WAS sex. My body is so loose and relaxed. I feel satisfied. I’m going to need this to happen to me on a regular basis. Gots to make that happen. I’m not even mad I didn’t have intercourse on my b-day b/c I had sex dammit! Goot sex too!

Even the hasty wench doing my brasilian could not ruin my high. Slow your ass down bitch! This my cooch not some fucking furniture you are tripping. Take your damned time with my merchandise. Hmph! Then comes back with some oil on a cloth and says “wipe yourself with this. inside. outside. front and back”. This was after she had me holding my skin and doing all of this and that. Damn can I tip myself too!

Tomorrow it’s back to the beach for the nails and more Steve’s Pizza. . My hair will be done, possibly colored and I’m going to partay!

So yeah, today was a good day. I woke up at 6 in time to hear Steve Harvey’s inspirational message and it was good and relevant. Then he played “Jesus is Love” by the Commodores which is a special song to me. I know my auntie had something to do with that being the 1st thing I heard today. I miss her soooo much, may she rest in peace. I think she programmed all of the stations for me today b/c I had a good time in my car jammin and chillin to music that was special to me and her. Cruisin the beach.

I talked to my sister, my mom sent a text saying she loves and misses me. My fart of a father didn’t call me though. He still expects ME to call HIM on speciall occasions, even if it’s MY occasion. I love him anyway and his beautiful card and money came. I talked to him when I got it–of course I called him. My family is so freakin weird.

I’ve had my scorching hot shower, I’m Johnson’s Bedtime Lavendered down. And I might actually get some good sleep in tonight. That’s always a good thing. I’m going to drink my water to flush out the toxins released by my massage first though. I will NOT make that mistake again.

Today was indeed a good day. I know I’m blessed even if I don’t act like it sometimes.

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About What Looks Like Crazie...

What looks like CRAZIE, is just me. A perfectly flawed circus of contradictions: misanthropic people person; brilliant underachiever; ambitious slacker; tender-hearted bitch; thoughtful mean girl; prudish freak; crazed sanity; bold insecurity; adorable hot mess.
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One Response to Blog Posts of the Past

  1. Marco says:

    I remember this one.

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